How do you know

if you are ready?

Starting to talk

about sex

Sexual issues raised in the media create safe opportunities for discussion where can learn, share views and understand different perspectives

MEDIA

Use the media as a starting point:

What do you think of stars in football and the media taking naked selfies? Does it tempt you to do the same?

Are you aware that the International Olympic Committee has rules about sexuality in sports?

Did you know that Australia’s four large sporting codes join forces with Our Watch to stop violence against women?

 

Which football club in Melbourne hosted the AFL Pride Game promoting LGBTIQ inclusion?

RELIGION

If you or your BF or GF follow a religious belief, ask what would be ‘the right thing’ to do if you started hooking up. 

FAMILY

Talk about families you know and what the older siblings in those families are doing — that’s often a good indication of what is acceptable for sexual language; ideas; actions and reactions 

BACKGROUND

Ask each other when you first found out about sex. How old were you? Was it at school; home; on-line or from friends? Was it scary? Was it helpful? How would each of you have preferred to find out about sex? 

GOOD OR BAD

What does the word sex mean to you? Is it a good or bad word? 

BODIES

What do you like most and what do like least about your bodies? (e.g. I like that my legs can run fast, but I wish my feet weren’t

so big). 

From these conversations, you can already get some idea of the different versions of the ‘facts’, and the different beliefs you may have about these events.

Saying

Yes and No

Texting and Facebook are great but you can miss reading and enjoying all the extras like the look on a friend’s face when they experience pleasure. When people can read body language, they get the cues to what they should do next and prevent themselves from making embarrassing mistake.

 

Which of these 5 different ways to say
‘no’ would you be comfortable with? Why?

“NO!”
“Not now, I’ll let you know when.”
“Not in this lifetime!”
“I would if I could, but I can’t so I won’t”.
“Maybe tomorrow?” 

 

Which of these 5 different ways to say ‘no’ with your body language would you be comfortable with? Why?

Body turned away from the other person

Arms crossed over chest

Tears on a sad face

Avoid eye contact

Hands over ears

TRY THIS

An interesting experiment is to watch a film without sound and see if you can ‘read’ what the actors are trying to say, by watching their body language. 

Which of these 5 different ways to say ‘yes’ would you be comfortable with? Why?

“Yes, absolutely!” 

“Bring it on!” 

“Can I have it now?” 

“You make me so happy!” 

“Let’s go slow!” 

Which of these 5 different ways to say ‘yes’ with your body language would you be comfortable with? Why?

Put your thumbs up 

Hold hands and smile 

Direct eye contact and kiss 

Big, warm hug 

Stroke face and smile 

...OR THIS

Watch from a safe distance what any gathering of

kids sitting next to each other are saying

Love at

first bite

Her Story:

After school my girlfriends and I all hang out at Maccas because we know the guys from the boy’s school will be there. That’s where I met him – it was love at first sight. He’s tall, skinny with eyes so blue they were like puddles I could fall into. What I loved too, was he had pimples like me, so maybe he wouldn’t think I was really ugly. It took us ages to start talking, and then we couldn’t stop. After a few weeks he started walking me home, and then we hooked up. Now he wants to have sex with me, but I don’t know. How can I tell if he really loves me or if he’s just saying that to have sex with me?

His Story:

When we met at Maccas I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was so hot and I was sure that a skinny kid with pimples wouldn’t make it to first base with a chick like her. When I tried to talk to her at first, the only sound that seemed to come out of my mouth was a grunt. I felt like such a loser! I could see she took pity on me and started talking to me to make it easy on me. Yay! First base! When I first suggested I could walk her home, I couldn’t believe that it all felt so right, and I could just relax and be myself. I wanted to go the next step and make her my girl. Then I realised that she thought I wanted to have sex with her. What would she say if she knew I was a virgin? How can I tell if she really loves me or if she’s just saying that to have sex with me? 

I know i'm ready

for sex when...

I CAN CONSENT?

 

You are finally alone together! The mood feels right, you want to experiment… but is there something you need to discuss first?

 

If you consented to one kind of behaviour does not obligate you to consent to any other behaviour?

 

Should you both agree to it, can either person decide at any time that they want to stop the activity?

 

If you are drunk or on drugs, can you consent?

 

If you are younger than 16, can you consent? 

I KNOW...

My religion says that the right time for me to have sex is…. 

My society says that the right time for me to have sex is… 

My family says that the right time for me to have sex is… 

My friends say that the right time for me to have sex is… 

My gut says it feels right and so does my crush…. 

I am connected to at least one significant person in my life, who is a family member, a friend or a trusted adult, with whom I can discuss sexual concerns. 

The difference between having sex with just anyone, and making love to my partner. 

That sex isn’t something I’m paying for, but it’s a gift I can share with the person I love. 

That my social group and my community may judge me if I decide to be sexually active. 

That if I choose to pay for sex I will try to understand the person I am paying is a human and needs to be respected, not hurt or humiliated. 

I UNDERSTAND...

I WILL...

I will have sex when I have the right partner. 

I will have sex when I feel I’m ready to trust myself

and my partner. 

I will have sex when I can take responsibility for

my own actions. 

I will have sex when I know I can respect myself

and my partner. 

I will have sex when my parents have given me their blessing. 

I AM READY...

I will have sex when I have the right partner. 

I will have sex when I feel I’m ready to trust myself

and my partner. 

I will have sex when I can take responsibility for

my own actions. 

I will have sex when I know I can respect myself

and my partner. 

I will have sex when my parents have given me their blessing. 

I CAN...

Be confident we can trust each other. 

Cope when things go wrong and it’s all messed up. 

Cope knowing that sex will change things, hopefully

for the better. 

Take responsibility for contraception. 

Take responsibility for safe sex. 

I CAN RECOVER...

If having sex with my partner is a really disappointing experience that leads to one of us rejecting the other. 

From a STI (sexually transmitted infection). 

From my partner leaving me for whatever reason. 

From aborting a pregnancy or relinquishing a baby to be put up for adoption. 

Safety

first

“ I WENT AND BOUGHT CONDOMS”  

Everyone told me that I should take responsibility for safe sex too. So, I went out and bought condoms because I wanted to make sure that when it happened, I would be prepared. We both felt ready. We were playing around and I told Jono that I had some condoms. I took them out of my bag and handed one to him. He took one look and got pretty angry. You see, I had bought size large without really understanding, but Jono knew that they were large for him. He felt humiliated and he dumped me. 

SALLY, AGE 16  

Condoms come in different sizes. The options include different colours, glow in the dark, textured, studded, desensitising, thinner, extra strong etc. If Sally and Jono were ready for sex, they should have investigated condom options and felt comfortable to discuss which ones were most suitable. ​

WHERE DO I START?

Sally would not have been shocked to know that Jono had observed whether she had large or small breasts, so why is it so different for condom size for a penis? 

If you can’t feel comfortable to have the discussion, are you ready for sex? 

WHAT SIZE AM I?

“ SHE HAD NEVER HAD SEX ” 

Chaitali and I talked about it and after a year of being together we decided we were ready to have sex. She had never had sex before and my father had taken me to a brothel to learn how to do it, to make sure I didn’t embarrass myself. Chaitali was worried that maybe I had picked up some infection at the brothel, so I offered to do something about it. She’s worth it. 

AMIT, AGE 16 

WHERE DO I START?

You can go to your GP or doctor, family planning clinic or sexual health clinic to get tested for STI’s. It’s quick and easy, and not as embarrassing as you might think. If you do have an STI, it can be treated or managed so you do not infect your partner.

Amit rocks! 

He’s being really responsible and Chaitali was wise to raise her concern, because she’s protecting both of them. This couple will probably have a happy relationship because they feel safe to discuss their concerns, and they’re responsible enough to follow through with the actions. 

3-5% OF 15-25 YEARS

HAVE HAD

CHLAMYDIA