What You Need
Why is it so difficult to discuss porn and cybersex?
Pornography or porn is the portrayal of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual arousal and erotic satisfaction.
Cybersex is a virtual sex encounter in which two or more persons connected remotely via online networks can send each other sexually explicit messages. Some examples are sex chat rooms, instant messaging and sexting.
We discuss death, terrorism, drugs and alcohol, even though it’s uncomfortable for many. We can admit we’re uncomfortable and discuss porn and cybersex anyway!
The 3 A's
Porn use can be anonymous. You can hide when and how you utilise porn and it’s an activity that is easy to keep secret.
BUT, if you need to keep it secret, is it something that still feels right for you?
Porn is readily available on all technology devices, there is no end to the availability of pornography. All a teen has to do is click that they are 18 without producing any documentation to prove their age.
Porn can promote abuse. Porn often shows sex without condoms and makes it look as if it is acceptable to have sex without condoms. There is a lot of hard-core porn which shows men abusing women and enjoying it. Is any activity that threatens someone’s health, safety and wellbeing acceptable?
Every school has anti-bullying policies and we all understand that violence, whether it’s physical, sexual, verbal or emotional, is wrong. If it’s wrong at school and at home, is it also wrong in porn?
New research published in April 2018 in the Journal of Sex Research disputes the claim that sexually aggressive porn is increasing. It also shows consumers of porn prefer videos depicting mutual pleasure to violent interactions. The researchers claim their work breaks new ground in monitoring the most watched and rated videos on PornHub and provides the only empirical evidence on the changing nature of popular porn.
The Australian Psychological Society (APS) states that young people’s viewing of ‘pornography …plays a significant role in shaping social norms in relation to sexuality’ and ‘impacts directly’ on the way children and young people view intimate relationships, sexual understanding and experiences and the acceptance of violence (APS, 2105). See links and tip sheets
Brain studies have shown that pornography viewing is associated with brain changes ‘similar to those observed in addiction’ and that ‘adolescents take longer that adults to recover from [these change]’ possibly due to the younger age of exposure to the material (Lim,2016).
Changes in body image and understanding of sexual practices are due to consumption of pornography, for example genital depilation, oral sex not being regarded as sex, growing rates of anal sex amongst adult and teenage heterosexual couples (9 per cent of 2000 Victorian secondary school students in Years 10-12). Other effects include for example, extra-vaginal ejaculation, deep fellatio, and group sex.
Most concerning is pornography as ‘rape training’ (Flood M. , Young Men Using Porn, 2010). A number of studies have been conducted among young people aged 18-25 and have been consistent in showing that consumption of pornography is related to male sexual aggression against women with the association strongest for violent pornography but still reliable for nonviolent pornography (Flood, 2003; Flood, 2010). Males are desensitised to sexual violence, ‘eroding their empathy for victims of violence and informing more callous attitudes towards female rape victims’ Flood, 2010, 175). 95 percent of examples depict women being subject to acts such as choking, gagging or spanking (Wright, 2014)
A new resource kit is being developed as a guide for schools implementing the whole-school approach to Respectful Relationships, an initiative that supports schools to promote and model respect and gender equality – and teach students how to build healthy relationships, resilience and confidence.
The truth is, we are all sexual beings. We are all inquisitive and are interested to know how sex works. Porn is often mistaken for erotica, but the difference is that erotica is a way of showing sexual acts in an artistic way and with a focus on feelings and emotions whereas pornography’s objective is the graphic depiction of sexually explicit scenes.
Porn is the sensationalised sex educator providing a sexual fantasy with the entire focus on the physical act, so as to provoke quick intense reactions.
Porn can show people having sex in different positions, and what naked bodies look like during sex. Watched often enough and it can also be predictable, boring, usually disrespectful and often violent.
PORN DOES NOT...
Porn does not show how to have ‘happy sex’. Porn does not show you how to experiment with healthy sexual relationships. Porn does not show that sometimes sex can be clumsy, uncomfortable or even painful.
Porn does not show you how to communicate to each other what you want, need, are afraid of, or how to avoid pain.
THE TRUTH IS WE ARE ALL SEXUALLY CURIOUS AND PORN CAN EXCITE OR DISGUST US.
THE SECRET DIARY OF A PORN GIRL
When you look at me in the porn films, what you think you see is a hot babe with smouldering eyes, ready and willing to please your every need.“I want you” is the lie I want you to hear and I told you that lie again and again. There more I lied, the more the better I faked it the more money I made. The truth was I hated the sex. I hated the touches and smell of strangers who used my body. I hated their sweaty bodies and their filthy words. I hated pretending that it was acceptable to you, it’s not about love, it’s about tolerating pain to make money. I vomited between takes because I can’t shake off the humiliation. I’m still vomiting. The foul taste of booze and cigarettes doesn’t hide sex on demand I can’t have a normal life and I can’t have normal relationships after I’ve been used like that. What I want from you is the courage to be honest and stop getting off on my pain and misery. Respect me not by degrading me but by honouring me.
THE SECRET DIARY OF A PORN STUD
When you admire me in the porn films, what you think you see is a hot stud with the longer, stronger, harder donger. “I can last for hours” is the lie you want you to hear but the three months that it takes us to film the 2 hour take is the sad and clumsy truth. I love the way we can fake shoots to make you think my donger is longer. Shaving my pubic hair and manipulating camera angles creates a larger image. The problem for normal blokes is that the lie told by the camera if believable with women so they expect ‘real men’ should have oversized dongas. I don’t mind making money by faking that I have a big donga, I just feel uncomfortable by degrading the women I’m supposed to have sex with – sometimes if I’m in a good mood I’ll apologize to them afterwards. I know some people rate their sex partners and compare them with my fake performance. Let’s get real, it’s a fake performance. Unfortunately, what is not fake is having sex without condoms. Now not only do I have herpes which is incurable, I’m also putting everyone at risk by having unprotected sex. The truth is I’m an average bloke with a creative film crew. Hope my girlfriend thinks I’m a big enough man for her.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Should a man be a life-support system for a penis?
Should a man be a life support system for a penis or, should a man take the credit for being a good bloke? Who is fun and treats his partner well?
How do you want to train your brain?
Do you want to train your brain to get turned on by violence in sex?
Is porn setting you up to fail?
Is porn teaching you that your body is not as good as a porn star?
If you try making your own sexually explicit video and your parents, school, employer or police see it, would you feel ashamed?
INSTANT MESSENGER & TEXT SPEAK TRANSLATED
For you and your tweens to speak to each other, make sure you understand the same language! Every generation develops their own style and its fun for kids to have their own mystery language to KPC (keep parents clueless).
CAN YOU TRANSLATE TEXT SPEAK TO ENGLISH?
Parents Are Watching
Naked In Front Of Camera
Are You Horny
Will You Call Me
I Love You
Get Naked On Cam (Webcam)
Send To Receive
(Lets) Meet In Real Life
Newbie - Someone who doesn't
know much about something
Get Your Pants Off
Got To Go
Mum Over Shoulder
Sexting is creating your own virtual tattoo — an imprint out there in the cloud forever, with no way
for you to remove it.
Taking, sending or forwarding sexual pictures of yourself or anyone else that are inappropriate because they show
someone naked or engaged in sex acts. These actions create a potentially serious impact on victims, who are often underage. There are often legal consequences for the ‘sexters’ — even those who are underage — with some holding the view that they are sex offenders.
15-year-old Jen sexted her boyfriend, 15 year old Matt, a photo of herself topless. Matt shared it with his mates. They were both sentenced in juvenile court for possessing and sending nude photos on their mobiles.
JEN, AGE 15
15-year-old James received 12 months of probation for forwarding a picture of his private parts to Jemima, his 13-year-old girl friend.
JAMES, AGE 15
17-year-old Gillian committed suicide after a nude photo she sent to her boyfriend was forwarded onto all the kids at school and she became the school joke.
GILLIAN, AGE 17
FIRST CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING...
Choose to be free of shame:
Do you know the current legal implications for sexting in your state? Your school; your community; your sports team; your employer may choose to exclude you if you engage in sexting photos of anyone underage. The proof is that you cannot keep your sexts private but can be exposed as someone guilty of IBA (image based abuse).
Choose your ethics:
What’s right or wrong for you? The people who could see you naked and exposed are: any creep on the net; your neighbours; your family; your friends; your teachers or your boss. Choose what you do so you can always respect yourself, then others will also respect you.
Choose to expose:
Any sexting you receive to an adult you trust who can deal with it appropriately. Don’t delete it.
Choose to trust your gut:
If you forward a sexual picture of someone underage, you are as
responsible for this image as the original sender. You could face child pornography charges, go to jail, and have to register as a sex offender. If it feels wrong it probably is wrong.
Refer to the help section for the Office of the eSafety Commissioner site for safer and more positive experiences online
The Law Society developed an education app called Out of Bounds to help educate young people about the issue. The app aims to explain the law to young people in a simple way to help them make informed decisions and raise awareness of the legal boundaries of sexual activity and online communication,